The Emperor Strikes Back

2008-12-01T12:19:00.000-08:00

I often wonder what my old boss and mentor The Emperor is up to.

I thought the transition to WWE would be an obvious one, but I've yet to see him on Slam Down on pay per view.

I just thought it might break the ice. It was very tense.

2008-05-28T04:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Darth 1

2007-08-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

Over the years, our next columnist feels perhaps he’s been given harsh treatment. That his public persona has been unfairly created, and all because his favourite colour is black, and you can’t buy throat lozenges or nasal decongestant in a galaxy far, far away.

It’s because of this, Darth has chosen, at this time, to attempt to share his softer side with us, in this, his regular advice column.

First this week, a letter from Alford.

Dear Darth,

I hope you can help me. I think I may have gone as far as I can in my present job and am wondering if it’s time for a change. Maybe 8 years with The Alliance And Leicester is enough. What do you think?

Deborah.

Dear Deborah,

Many thanks for your letter. My opinion is that you should move away immediately from The Alliance, or be crushed like bugs along with the other rebels. Hope this helps.

Darth.

Dear Darth,

I feel I’ve reached a major crossroads in my career, and perhaps, taking care of animals isn’t what I was cut out for. I’d be grateful of your thoughts.

Many thanks

Bob, a vet from Westhill.

Thanks very much for your letter. The moment I read it, I knew you were incorrectly placed in life and you should come and work for me. Don’t ask me why. I just got a good feeling as soon as I read about you Bob a vet.

Call me. We can do lunch

D.

Hi Darth,

Loving the new help page. We’re writing to you in the hope you can be of some assistance to us. Recently, my friend Toby and I took early retirement, but decided to use some of our money to open up our own business, and launched a newsagent. The problem is, business is fine during the day, but the moment we have to switch on the electricity for the lights or the heating, it keeps cutting out. Any ideas what we should do?

Yours in hope

Ken Robie, and Toby Wan.

Gentlemen,

I think perhaps you’ve taken on more than you can handle. My advice with your shop is the same for both of you.

You will never conquer the dark side, Toby Wan / Ken Robie. Your power is weak old man.

Thanks for getting in touch

Good luck with everything.

Darthie.